


This Isn't How The Fairytale Goes

by KalinaEverdeen



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Dunno really - Freeform, Gay, It's just a string of thoughts really, M/M, Sad kinda, Watford, how do you tag tbh, thoughtful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8911855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalinaEverdeen/pseuds/KalinaEverdeen
Summary: Baz takes time to think.Takes time to pause.Just takes time.





	

'It all started with a girl.'

That's how a love story is meant to go. Or rather-

'It all started with a beautiful girl.'

Or even-

'It all started with the most breathtaking girl I'd ever seen.'

That's normal. That's standard. That's what most people would expect.

The story is not meant to go-

'It all started with beautifully stupid boy with a stupidly beautiful face.'

But then again, my fairytale never did run smooth.

(And that could always be due to the old family cook books containing recipes for Fairy Pie...)

((But it's not like I ever cooked the damn things...))

\---

I wonder how it feels to be Agatha.

She's always there, sitting pretty beside him, knowing her place in their fairytail.

It's not hard to imagine their future.

They'll settle down. They'll marry. Have beautiful children with glowing blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes.

And by that time, I'll be long dead. Not even a passing thought in either of their heads.

It must be nice, knowing that you have your perfect little story all planned out.

\---

I've wished a lot of things in my life.

(In my death?)

I wish for my mother. I wish I wasn't a monster.

But mostly I wish for him.

It's stupid, really. But however much I try, he's always the thing I want the most.

He's a drug.

He's an enticing aroma.

He's a flickering flame that could be snuffed out in an instant.

Or that could burn me to the ground if I stand too close.

I want to stand too close.

\---

I wonder how much he thinks about me.

It's a selfish thing, to want to be the focus of his thought.

The centre of his universe.

But I never claimed to be selfless. Especially when it comes to him.

I know he must think of me. I know because I force myself into his thoughts.

I torment him. I lure him. I make myself present in as much of his life as possible, just to watch his brain tick.

I know I infuriate him. His thoughts of me can only be hateful.

But better hateful thoughts than none at all.

\---

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.'

For some, it's true.

But there are some people who just are beautiful, to every beholder.

And I'm fairly certain that he's one of these people.

I've never heard anyone argue his effortless beauty.

The way his bronze curls can fly in any direction yet still look as though they're meant to be there.

The way his golden skin glows in the sun, illuminating the freckles that creep over his body.

The way-

That's enough for now.

\---

What would he do if he knew?

Would he hate me more, or less?

Would he give me pity or anger?

It's not like it matters, not like I'm planning on waltzing up to him and proclaiming that I'm helplessly in love with him.

But I can't help but wonder.

\---

"Simon Snow, what have you done to me?"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real thing I've written on this website and, to be honest, I just needed a new platform to help clear my head.  
> I hope at least one person enjoyed this, despite it's main purpose being to let me vent.  
> Maybe I'll write more.  
> Maybe I won't.  
> Have a nice day/night.


End file.
